The Victory of the Soul
A personal experience using Rosemary flower essence
by Gabriela Castillo Holley
Pre and Post Rosemary…
I am breathing deeply to start.
It has been difficult to talk about it, as difficult as talking about a violent kidnapping, rape or torture. I think the reason is not only because it brings painful memories, or the details of those memories; rather, it is because...who could understand?
That if the soul leaves the body during extreme physical trauma or extreme fear, it will try to remain out of the body--no matter what. And when it does enter back in, (with an open door to flee), it comes back as a slave to the mind, the mind being a mean entity that just wants to end life. It is as though the mind is the Devil and the soul is God.
Yes, the thought of suicide is ever present – though in a very calm and firm way. Just waiting for the right moment. No rush, no hurry, but that is the final goal. It is as though sitting at the Coliseum in ancient Rome, watching lives that will finish any moment; soon you’ll be down there to die, no mercy involved. The mind is not cruel to others, just to one’s self. This mind’s “take over” doesn’t happen within the first day; it starts around a month after the trauma, and then progressively strengthens its grip.
Being disconnected from life
That “floating out and coming back into the body suddenly with wide-open eyes,” kept happening the whole day. At a point, I felt like a child screaming: “No! I don’t want to go back to that heavy box. Please!!!” Not everybody with clinical deaths have had this experience. Some are just fine.
Starting with Rock Rose
A year and a half after the twenty-seventh and final surgical procedure, my mind had taken over completely. Panic attacks were driving me insane, until a friend took me to see Bruno Gerard, who started me with Rock Rose. I felt numbed at first, but as the days passed, I felt amazingly fantastic! Like I was 18 years old again.
Unfortunately, the new feeling state lasted only about two months. Bruno continued giving me different blends changing them sometimes after only four days, sometimes after a week. Nothing seemed to work more than that. “Why?” I wondered. The theory says the essences peel one layer of the onion, but in crises, I think that all the layers fall apart all together.
Finally I encountered Rosemary…
I began taking Rosemary and Rock Rose one afternoon, without any preconceptions. After dark, it started. I was falling asleep when I dreamed I was running backwards with a strong impulse to jump up into a tunnel, like diving upwards with outstretched arms, to open a lid. (A lid that somebody was holding down.) Can you imagine a whale swimming fast under the ocean water and when it is about to break free, somebody puts a lid over it?
After that sort of jump, I woke up with wide-open eyes, frozen; exactly as it was at the hospital, with the modern machines. But this time I felt pain, like I had thousands of pounds on my chest pushing me down to the bed, cutting off my breath. I put the bottle of essences on my chest and started taking it every 1 or 2 or 5 minutes. The voice that, at the hospital, told me to go back to the box, had come back, but this time to help me.
During the whole night the essences stayed beside me; they held me when I doubted, or when I gave up. It is as if Rosemary knew when to push me, when I should go, giving me the strength to continue jumping up.
Why jumping? Where? I have no idea…
How many times? Maybe 20, maybe 40. And every single time, I would get out of bed in a split second, and stand frozen, without breathing, wondering what would happen next. Was I forced to do it? Not at all, I was guided to do it. It was like having a coach, like the way they take care of boxing fighters after each round in the ring. It felt as though my soul was physically hurt in those attempts, but Rosemary helped heal after each one. I fought, and then I rested. Maybe I rested in the cozy petal at the bottom of the flower; maybe, that petal “catches” you back.
At some point I fell fully asleep; I cannot remember how it ended, and I was exhausted the next day. I continued taking the blend every 30 minutes for one or two days and stayed at home.
2 days after taking Rosemary
I was tired for a week. Little by little, I started feeling alive, full of energy. I felt gorgeous and even sexy. I went out dancing, running. I was so hungry; I ate like a truck driver. My skin was glowing.
When I went back to Costa Rica from Switzerland, I realized that I wanted to help save the world. I was so convinced by my experience with Rosemary, that I convinced everybody to let me use the essences with them. For sure, I did my first treatments guided by the Universe, because I didn’t know enough on my own.
What I didn’t know…
About three months after my experience with Rosemary, my mind, knocked down after the huge battle, slowly started to wake up, and told me, in the form of an overwhelming panic attack: “So, you wanted to be in charge, right? Okay, you win, but from now on, you take care of all your traumas from this life and the past ones, all that is hidden in the unconsciousness, now I release it all, and you see how you deal with it.”
The real journey
Once again, very slowly, my emotional life became worse and worse. It felt as though I had to clean every room of the Empire State building daily, with fires, demolitions, water spills everywhere. When I thought I had finished, and everything was under control, it started all over again...it’s like one of those magic candles that gets blown out only to light again, never ending.
For a long time I lived in a total “Mustard/Gorse” state of mind, with the deepest emptiness and no hope at all. I took the essences; I would feel fine for a week, then bad again.
The “Sweet Chestnut/Cherry Plum” state was gone, suicide intentions were gone, but they tried strongly to come back. Thank God, the presence of Rosemary was always there, like a far away bodyguard, strong as the plant, reminding me: “I helped you once, when your life was taken away, but I won’t be able to help you ever if you decide to end life yourself.” It took me more than a year of giving up and trying again to heal these “released” wounds from the past. For the first time in my life, I went through psychological therapy. I became a very disciplined student of the Flower Essence Repertory and published case studies. I would read one to two hours daily, trying to find clues. (And for my twins and all their classmates, and everyone I knew or met.) I took myself a lot of Baby Blue Eyes, Mariposa Lilly, Evening Primrose, Sunflower, all the Bach remedies, and many more.
New demons kept trying to get my attention. When I felt them coming, like dark storm clouds (my image is of those seen in speeded up time-lapse photography), I was afraid, but I would call my “guardian.” I put the Rosemary bottle on my chest and I would pray to be guided to Angelica, Rock Rose, Chaparral, Mountain Pennyroyal, Mountain Pride or Garlic. I would put some drops in an Evian water bottle (I can see Evian from my house in Switzerland) and drank it during a full day until I was fine again. It happened less and less; and now, it doesn’t happen anymore.
For me Rosemary is not an angel; Rosemary is a mentor that will look after me forever, guiding me to find the right help when needed.
I believe that for re-incarnation purposes that it is enough to take Rosemary just once. “Once” meaning to take it during one whole night, every two, five, ten minutes or as needed, starting when the body is about to sleep. I have always believed that to be true, but to be sure of that, I took it for the second time in my life while writing this story. I admit I was very worried, but slept like a baby, and now I feel full of energy. Also, I started remembering all that I had dreamt, with complete details. However, nothing else has changed.
I also believe that the help of Rosemary is eternal (this life and in the next lives). It keeps reminding you that the soul can and should be invincible. The “released wounds” are just tiny scars—part of my life, part of my soul’s growth—not monsters.
I understand also, that the longer the time between the disconnection from life and the first intake of the essence, the worse it is to deal with the mind, and the more difficult it will feel to re-incarnate. Therefore, the people I treated at the hospital in Costa Rica two or three weeks after their ordeals should be fine. Whoever they are and wherever they are in the world, their mind did not have time to take over.
While watching the Rosemary flower, I see the two pistils and I smile, thinking maybe it’s the tunnel I passed through, and the tiny stamens are the lids I imagined. Today, I feel I can jump out of the deep, dark waters and swirl in the air like a whale, any time, any day, and splash back with the sunlight in my face.
I used to see photos from my childhood and ask myself what had happened, when had I lost that innocent joy for life? Thanks to the flower essences, I again have love for people, for nature and for the Universe, with all its light and beauty, with all the colors of the rainbow. Today, I have the happy smile and shiny eyes I had when I was two years old. And nothing will ever take it away.
I will devote my life to help. It is my duty for what I have received.
Gabi, 2 years old
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