Marital Relationships

 

Observations on Marital Relationships

by Sally Dawson

Close or intimate relationships
give us rich opportunities for growth,
unlike work relationships or even friendships, where we may only see a person for a few hours.

Within a family, or with a partner, we show many more “sides” of ourselves. We literally have to jump in and expose our inner selves a whole lot more, and this doesn’t always feel so good or comfortable. Being “just friends” to everyone may seem like a really good idea at times! But when we can work towards pushing through our own personal “backpack of agendas” and actually view people with whom we are more intimate with love and compassion—to really listen and also be heard—a magical rich experience is created. I do not, for one second, say this is easy, but I have observed that with flower essences that this is much more possible!

I would like to share with you a couple of case histories that will inspire and encourage you to realize what can be achieved between married couples in difficult situations. In both instances, it was the wife who first consulted with me, and in both cases, the husband was agreeable to taking essences. I have found, on a number of occasions, that if two people in close contact are treated simultaneously with flower essences, together they can make a wonderful leap forward.

The Symbiosis of Healing
Childhood and Relationship Issues:
Learning to Love in an Emotionally Healthy Way

The first case involves a 47-year old woman, with a similar-aged husband, with four daughters. The husband had always been a very needy person emotionally who constantly paid a great deal of attention to other women throughout their married life. I asked the wife what her husband’s childhood had been like. She said he had had an alcoholic father and had not felt loved as a child. In general, I have observed that having an alcoholic parent often creates such a feeling of loss for a child that they feel they are never good enough, they do not feel loved, and they feel “unnoticed.” Often, Star Thistle has proven to be immensely helpful with these people, aiding them in filling the terrible emptiness they feel from lack of nurturing.

Star Thistle Centaurea solstitialis

With this in mind, I felt a remedy was needed by the husband primarily to address issues that had originated from his childhood, and that he needed to be urged on a soul level to make the transition from perceiving life as an emotionally needy child into an adult in present time. I made up a remedy containing Chicory for his needy behavior; Star Thistle to assist his feeling of emptiness from his lack of nurturing parenting that he was unsuccessfully trying to fill up by trying to attract attention from other women; Fairy Lantern to help nudge him into a more adult perception of the world, to move on from being stuck in his inner child mode, to a more responsible way of responding to the here and now. Mariposa Lily is another wonderful remedy to help create a sense of nurturing that was lacking for someone as a child, and I felt the sense of being wanted and loved by the archetypal mother could help to ease his condition. The last remedy I thought to include was Holly. It is another “love” remedy, and is a wonderful remedy to assist the soul to feel unity and wholeness while nourishing the heart.

Chicory
Star Thistle
Fairy Lantern
Mariposa Lily
Holly

In conversation with the wife, I learned that she felt threatened and constantly anxious about the husband’s behavior. Over time, those feelings had eroded her sense of self-esteem, and she consequently found it challenging to be verbally assertive. I gave her a combination of Mimulus, for her constant anxiety and unease; Oregon Grape to help ease her state of mistrust in her husband—even though this was a perfectly understandable reaction. By giving her this combination, I was hoping that she would be able to see her husband in a new light, and consequently when he took his remedy also, it would actually allow him to change his pattern, and in turn, her own pattern of responding in a habitual way. I included Holly in her combination also, because, as a remedy for “love,” it would ease states of suspicion and anger transforming them into a more whole experience of love that nourished her heart. Lastly, I added Poison Oak to gently assist in reducing the fear of intimate contact, and thereby encouraging an emotional openness as a possibility after nearly three decades of watching many other women seemingly be attracted to her husband.

Mimulus
Oregon Grape
Holly
Poison Oak

A week after they had both taken the remedies, the wife felt much more calm and far less threatened within herself. In addition, her husband had run into an old girlfriend and had pretended not to know her because he did not want to upset his wife any more. He had generally been much more attentive to his wife, telling her how beautiful she was and how special she was to him. Four months later, the wife said she was feeling the best she had ever felt emotionally in her entire life, and had a sense of peace that she hadn’t felt before. Her relationship with her husband is now secure and loving, with him behaving in a more appropriate way in social situations; and these dramatic results occurred after only one remedy bottle was used by each one of them.

Poison Oak

The Symbiosis of Healing
Childhood and Relationship Issues:

Healing Childhood Traumas in the
Later Stages of Life and Relationship

The next case concerns a 67-year old woman and her husband. She was quite depressed and considering leaving her husband because he was critical and cynical about everything she said or did. Any suggestions she made to her husband were immediately rejected without consideration, and as a result she constantly felt sad. She said she felt she had low self-esteem, possibly arising from the fact that her mother never accepted her when she was born; she was initially covered in a fine, dark down and her mother thought she looked like a monkey, so did not accept or bond with her. Consequently, as a child, she felt she could never satisfy her mother and would often do extra chores and such to try and gain the approval that she never felt was forthcoming.

The combination I decided upon for this situation was: Larch, to create more self confidence and to boost her self-esteem and to assist healing in her throat [chakra] for her feeling of being stifled by the situation in which she found herself; and Centaury, a fabulous remedy to boost one’s sense of self or ego strength, and to encourage her inner self to speak out and be heard. I also included Star of Bethlehem because it can be a miraculous remedy for healing very old as well as recent trauma, and it is deeply restorative to the person to whom it is given. Beech seemed appropriate as well because the woman had grown up with, and now lived in, an environment of harsh criticism, and it helps alleviate a feeling of insecurity. I wanted to gently assist her soul in yielding to seeing the good in others, and to help her feel reconnected to the love and unconditional acceptance from her higher self. Evening Primrose was an absolute must in the combination because of the early rejection by her mother and her feeling of being unwanted and unloved; I hoped to bring into being a sense of motherly love through using this essence.

Larch
Centaury
Star of Bethlehem
Beech
Evening
Primrose

Her mother-in-law had had septicemia when her husband was born and consequently, he was brought up by an aunt for the first 9 months of his life. His mother later died in childbirth while he was still a young boy and he was deeply affected by her death. He never got along with his father and was not treated well by him. Throughout his life, he had put up an emotional wall and was very controlling of anyone close to him; he was an angry person. The remedy for the husband consisted of Star of Bethlehem, to ease deeply embedded trauma experienced as a young baby; Baby Blue Eyes, as it addressed his struggle with his father, his unfortunate absence of nurturing, his subsequent anger, cynicism and controlling attitude to those around him. Evening Primrose was included for the separation from his mother at birth, and to bring all the qualities as mentioned previously; Beech, to create a more tolerant state of mind and bring more soul warmth to his being, and lastly Vine, to assist his rather domineering and forceful manner towards his wife and to create more tolerance for her personality.

Star of
Bethlehem
Baby Blue Eyes
Evening
Primrose
Beech
Vine

When the wife returned to see me a couple of weeks later, she said she felt she had stopped being a victim, felt more assertive and no longer felt downtrodden. After taking the essences, she felt she had “turned a corner” with her mother and felt more at peace with the whole of the past. Her husband has since become softer and kinder in his words and in his attitude towards her. She feels that now a whole new way of relating has been created and, with her face all lit up, she relayed to me how they can now talk for hours together, laughing and enjoying greatly each other’s company. Several months have gone by and the change has persisted. The whole situation described above was completely changed; again, with only one essence combination for each of them.

Vine

Live with Passion—so much is possible—especially with the magical flower essences.

Dr. Sally Dawson has worked 19 years as a chiropractor, initially for five years working and living in Ireland. She and her husband John (also a chiropractor whom she met in the States during their training) are now settled with their family in New Zealand again. She uses Contact Reflex Analysis and nutrition analysis along with a variety of chiropractic techniques. Dr. Dawson has incorporated healing concepts gleaned from Candice Pert Ph.D., Deepak Chopra MD, Carolyn Myss Ph.D., Rachael Naomi Remen MD, and others who are trying to make the same mind-body connections. She has also been influenced by the teachings of Rudolf Steiner especially relating to education and anthroposophical medicine. Sally has been using flower essences for over four years. Initially she began using Bach flowers which she obtained from a friend. Subsequently, a copy of the Flower Essence Repertory came into her hands, and it was the defining moment for beginning her work with flower essences.

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